she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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