I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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