We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
