i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
