moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
