he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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