help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
