Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
