My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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