We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
