I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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