1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
