Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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