my mouth tastes like poor choices
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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