I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
