We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
