Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
