no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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