38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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