Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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