Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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