You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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