Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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