So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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