a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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