he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
