WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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