We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
