Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize