I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
