I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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