Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
