Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
