He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
