she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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