Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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