Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
