i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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