I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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