I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
