I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
