so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
