I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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