I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
