Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
