but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
