So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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