You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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