If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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