she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
