If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
