great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
