My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
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You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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