What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
