I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
