Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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