Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
