I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.