We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
