its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dating After Heartbreak
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic