we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
