I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm