TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.