So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
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He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!