Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
