haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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