I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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