drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
