Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
