Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
