wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is Oprah even human
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
