I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Randomize
