I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
