Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They took my balls.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
