YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
