Your face is a jimmy john
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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