so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
This house was built for laser tag.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
